In Laman’s Terms

Even though it’s Monday morning, I’ve woken up early so I can take care of some things before I have to go to my class at Pulaski Tech. Right when I walk into the kitchen, I see my roommate pouring the last of the coffee. If I haven’t had my coffee, I’m not a person. I’m a swamp creature. I slither on over to my Pontiac, and I head toward Laman Library. I pull up and walk in with more circles under my eyes than a game of Connect Four.

I make it to the front desk, and I tell them I need a cup of coffee and I heard they have a café. Once I’m up there waiting in line, I see that they have breakfast sandwiches. They have Frito chili pie, but I’ll have to come back for that. Coffee and Frito chili pie will do some WWE Smackdown to my stomach.

It’s my turn to order.

“How may I help you?” says the café lady.

“I’d like a coffee and a breakfast sandwich, please. Also, can you tell me if the Frito chili pies are any good?”

“They’re pretty popular. Would you like that instead of the sandwich?”

“No, I would not like a scissor kick from The Acid Refluxinator.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, thank you.”

I get my sandwich and coffee in no time at all, and I am ready to re-join the human race at the DVD shelf.

I set my movies down, then ask the front desk if my library card from Jacksonville works, and they tell me that Laman is the municipal library of North Little Rock. Their only other branch is downtown in Argenta.

I ask what I need to apply for a library card with them. They ask if I live in Pulaski County and if my ID has my current address. I ask them what I would need if my photo ID doesn’t have my current address. What if I had just moved here from the North Pole? They tell me I would need a piece of mail from my current, Pulaski county address.

“I’ve never even met Santa.”

Like a true player, I set down my ID with my current local address. I fill out the form they give me with all my information. I’m signed up in a matter of minutes. I’ve had relationships shorter than that. I check out my DVDs, and I hit the road, ready to get back to class.